Greasy Pizza: A Somewhat True Story
As the two women entered the restaurant, Jessie was thinking how surprised she was that her friend had suggested pizza for lunch.
Roberta was thinking that she had been craving pepperoni pizza for seventeen days. The only way she could stop obsessing at this point was to have a slice. One slice. She’d take the rest home for Gordon. It’s not like she hadn’t prepared. Yesterday she’d taken a spin class in addition to hot yoga. This morning, she’d walked 6.7 miles at the lake and was already dressed for Pilates later in the day.
On the way to their table in the back, Jessie studied Roberta’s age-defying form, tucked into pricey exercise garb in chartreuse with gray trim. Jessie was ashamed for feeling a twinge of envy. Okay, more like a crippling pang.
Several minutes later, Jessie watched as her friend eyed the small pizza the server had placed before her. It was suspect. Roberta squinted at the pepperoni. She would have furrowed her brow had the Botox allowed for that.
She slowly rotated the metal pan to observe the cheesy disc from every aspect. And then, Roberta formulated a plan.
First, she took a napkin and methodically began daubing the shiny pools of grease cradled within the curling slices of pepperoni. Next, she went after the oily bubbles floating on top of the cheese.
Midway through the process, Roberta flagged down the waiter for more paper napkins. The four he’d left for the two women would not suffice.
Armed with reinforcements, she resumed her attack with earnest concentration. The table was littered with a growing trash pile of napkins, crumpled and covered in grease. In just under fifteen minutes, the pizza finally was clean.
“How do they expect people to eat this?” Roberta asked her friend.
Jessie, who had already finished two slices of her own pepperoni-sausage combo, looked up, saw there were no clean napkins, and pulled a tissue from her purse. She patted her lips and took a sip of Diet Coke.
“I just picked it up with my hands,” she said.
The envy had passed.
